Family Ones
Adults Only
Politically Incorrect
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Periodic Elements

Valuable scientific data.
The following are two proposed additions to the periodic table of
elements (from chemistry class):
Element name: woman
Symbol: WO
Atomic weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile
when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns
slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element name: man
Symbol: XY
Atomic weight: (180 +/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a
pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct
electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get.
Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when
mixed with KD (Element: child) for prolonged period of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good source of methane. Good specimens are
able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.

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